How to haleem?

HYDERABAD: If you feel like you are stuck in Hyderabad for the next few days, whatever the reason — your visa got rejected, your onsite has been delayed forever, or life in general isn’t moving much — all this has happened because the universe wants to keep you here so that you get a taste of haleem.

When someone asks me where do you get the best haleem, I always ask them back, “What is the meaning of life?” so that we both deal with equally complex subjects.

If you are new in town, the best haleem is the one next to you, and if you have been here for a while, please take me to your favourite place, and I’ll let you know if it is close to the best I’ve had.

But honestly, after living in Hyderabad for 15 years, when it comes to haleem, most of the haleem places are GOAT (pun intended) because it’s really hard to go wrong with a dish that takes eight hours to cook, and the guy who is cooking is on a fast, and my scientific knowledge that I gathered from YouTube says while fasting, the brain is more efficient, and hence maybe this is why haleem never disappoints.

While haleem stays heavenly similar every year, the conversations around haleem are the peculiar ones.

Like my landlord, he will always complain about how a plate of haleem cost him more than last year right after brutally increasing my rent by 10%.

Next is a guy who claims that haleem was better a few years ago. Trust me, if you are working on a time machine, this guy will sell his property and invest in it.

But the best person to be around this season is the guy who wants to do haleem hopping. He knows the route, the order in which haleem should be eaten first, the timings, and then he’ll have a plan for a dessert as well. If this guy is your friend, make him your best friend, and if he is your best friend, see if you can make him your family.

There is no visual representation of how one feels during the haleem season, but if you ever see your favourite sitcom characters react to the first snowfall, that’s us Hyderabadis during haleem season, without the snow but with an equal amount of joy.

The Why Junction

Sandesh Johnny


(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)

(The writer’s views are his own)

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